


Dimanche

by redwheelbarrow



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwheelbarrow/pseuds/redwheelbarrow
Summary: Eliott and Lucas have a much-needed chat, order some pizza, and put some things to rest.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90





	Dimanche

Eliott is down for a couple of days. Lucas has spent them tip-toeing through the bedroom and taking quick showers. He cooks two portions of every meal, but one inevitably ends up in the refrigerator. His own ends up mostly in the trash. He can distract himself with studying for about two hours at a time before his eyes wander longingly toward the closed bedroom door. 

It’s not the first time he’s seen Eliott through a depressive episode, but it is the first time he’s been angry with him during one. It clouds everything, and he’s ashamed of it. Normally, he’d spend a couple of hours sitting in the bed with Eliott either rambling about his day or reading one of his text books. This time, he’s avoided the bed since helping Eliott into it early Saturday morning. He thinks of Eliott then - how he’d avoided Lucas’ eyes the entire bus ride from the police station to their apartment. Lucas had kept a hand on his thighs during the journey, but he’d otherwise played the ignoring game himself. He was too afraid of what would come out if he opened his mouth. Lucas knows himself. He knows he can be mean when he wants to be, and he never wants to be mean to Eliott.

Even when it feels justified. 

So, he led Eliott to bed where he’s been ever since. Lucas hasn’t joined him, choosing to grab a few restless hours of sleep on the couch instead. 

Love is confusing. He loves Eliott, so he wants him to be safe. He loves Eliott, so he’s angry at him for putting himself and their relationship at risk. He loves Eliott, so he’s willing to forgive him almost anything. He loves Eliott, so he can’t look at him right now. 

It’s all contradictory, and it’s all true. 

Lucas scrolls aimlessly through his French notes. His eyes refuse to settle on anything. Then, he hears their bedroom door creak open. 

Eliott emerges looking worse for wear. As far as Lucas knows, it’s the first time he’s been vertical since Saturday. Lucas’ heart pounds. He feels it in his throat. He doesn’t want to meet eyes, and for the first time since they got together Lucas is hoping Eliott will ignore him. 

In all of his internal ramblings, Lucas forgets to look away. Eliott’s eyes meet his, and he quickly turns his attention back to his notes. He tries to look busy, but he can only hope it’s convincing. 

“Lucas.”

It’s soft and a little desperate. The pulse in Lucas’ throat grows until it burns. He feels he can’t swallow. His regular breathing is the only thing keeping him from a panic attack. 

He has two choices. He can ignore Eliott and push this all onto Future Lucas. Eliott would let him, too. He hates confrontation, and he’s obviously feeling guilty in this situation. So, he’s likely willing to give Lucas whatever he wants. The other choice is to have it out now, which is tempting only in knowing it’ll bring them a step closer to this all being over. 

Lucas thinks of how they started, and the things they could’ve avoided if they’d been honest. He thinks of a few times he wished Eliott had come to him sooner. He knows one choice is harder but better in the long run. 

So he looks up, half expecting Eliott to have wandered off. He hasn’t. He’s still standing in the entryway, hands deep in the pockets of his black hoodie. 

“You’re up,” Lucas finally says. 

“I didn’t... I mean I don’t...” Eliott trails off, seemingly unable to finish a thought. The hunch of his shoulders implies maybe he could finish it, but he’s afraid to do so. 

“Do you feel okay?” Lucas asks. He wants to know, and it’s the most benign of the thousands of questions circling his head. 

“Sure,” Eliott says weakly. “Are you - or, um - do you? Feel okay?”

“Yeah,” Lucas says just as weak. There are so many things he wants to say, and Eliott is obviously waiting for them. He just can’t bring himself to do it. So instead, “There’s food in the fridge. A lot of it, actually. If you’re hungry…”

“I’m not,” Eliott says. 

“You should at least -”

“Lucas,” Eliott says, and it’s firm enough to stop him. “I don’t care about food. I care about -”

“What do you care about?” Lucas asks. He surprises himself with how sharp it is. It’s a tone he seldom takes with Eliott. It’s mostly reserved for cutting phone calls with his father, or no-nonsense conversations with the gang. 

“What…”

“That’s what this all comes down to, Eliott,” Lucas shrugs. “It’s not about your bipolar, and it’s not about the nights out clubbing without me. It’s not about the secrets or all of the time you spend with Lola. It’s about your priorities. I’d be fine with all of it if I knew I came first.”

Eliott slumps against the wall, “You do.”

“I don’t,” Lucas says plainly. “How many times have you bailed on me this month? This week, even.”

Eliott starts to answer, but Lucas isn’t finished.

“And out of those times, how many have you been doing what you said you were doing? The extra shifts at the video store, the projects with your classmates… How many times have I trusted you, when you were lying? If you don’t want to spend time with me, I’d rather you tell me than trick me.”

Lucas realizes he’s been staring at the coffee table this whole time, so he finally looks up at Eliott. They’re both prone to emotions, so he’s not surprised to meet watery eyes. Eliott blinks once, and some tears fall. Lucas knows they have to have this conversation, but hurting Eliott never feels good. Even when he feels he’s been hurt first.

“You do come first,” he says with a sniffle. “You do, Lucas. You have to know that.”

Lucas feels his own eyes getting wet, and a familiar longing fills his stomach. It’s enough to make him scoot over and pat the empty space he leaves on the couch. Eliott takes the hint and joins him, but he keeps his hands to himself. They’re still firmly settled in his pockets.

“Okay,” Lucas says because he wants to believe Eliott. He wants to go back to when he felt he could take him at his word. He doesn’t want to feel the way he did back when they started — when things were on and off, and he could never pin down the truth. “But can you understand why it doesn’t feel that way?”

Eliott breathes out slowly and frees the hand closest to Lucas from his pocket. He reaches over hesitantly, but Lucas grabs it with his own and laces their fingers together. Eliott should know he’s never going to push him away. He thinks of their conversation after Eliott’s first depressive episode. How they had technically been fighting then but were still unable to keep their distance. 

“I do,” Eliott finally says. “I’ve, um, I’ve let you down. I know that.”

There’s a lot of things Lucas could say, but he stays silent. He just squeezes Eliott’s hand, silently asking him to keep going.”

“I never wanted to do that,” Eliott whispers. “I don’t want to disappoint you or hurt you. It’s why I’ve kept everything from you. I knew you wouldn’t approve…”

“Eliott,” Lucas says and then he waits for Eliott to look up from their hands and make eye contact. “I’m not disappointed with the parties, or Lola, or even the drinking. I’m heartbroken that you’ve kept it all from me.”

More tears fall, and Eliott uses the hand not holding Lucas’ to wipe harshly under his own nose. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll be better, I promise. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

It’s Lucas’ turn to wipe away some tears. 

“I want you to want to tell me,” Lucas swallows harshly to keep his voice from cracking. “If we can’t be honest with each other, what is the point?”

“The point of what?” Eliott asks.

“Of us,” Lucas says. He gestures widely with his free hand. “Of any of this… Of trying to build a life together. I thought that was what we were doing here.”

“Of course that’s what we’re doing,” Eliott says desperately. “I just need time for myself every now and then. That doesn’t mean I’m not in this with you. I love you.”

“I love you,” Lucas says plainly because it’s the truth. Eliott makes his heart pound, even when simultaneously sending his stomach to his shoes. “And it’s fine you need time to yourself. I need time to myself too.”

“Then why — ”

“But when I need time alone I go to the park, or the library, or I hang out with the guys. I never lie about where I am, and I’m never out getting wasted with some girl I just met.”

Eliott drops his hand and stands.

“Okay,” he laughs, but it isn’t a pleasant one. “Is this about me, or is this about Lola?”

“It’s about you and Lola,” Lucas yells. And, yeah, they’re yelling now. “It’s about the two of you, and how fucking toxic this ‘friendship’ is. Everyone can see it but the two of you.”

“You don’t know anything about our friendship, Lucas!” Eliott bites back.

“No, yeah, you’re right! Because you won’t fucking tell me anything! You just sneak around and let her sleep in our bed and get arrested together! Sounds like a really healthy friendship to me. What red flags could I possibly be seeing here?”

Eliott rakes a hand through his already chaotic hair, and Lucas isn’t sure if he’s about to surrender or if they’ll keep at it for days. 

“I don’t know why I’m arguing with you about something you will never understand,” he says with a finality that makes heat rise in Lucas’ cheeks. 

“I am trying to understand,” he says desperately. “I am. I promise, but I don’t know what’s happened between last year and now to make you treat me like this. I thought we were doing okay. I thought we were happy.”

And damn it. He’s crying earnestly now. This is starting to feel less like a fight and more like a break up. The thought alone puts his whole body on pins and needles. His hands feel restless, and the only way to settle them is to lock his fingers together in his lap. 

“We were,” Eliott says. “We are.”

Lucas looks up at him in disbelief. 

“I’m happier when I’m with you,” Eliott says, refusing to back down despite the current state of affairs. It’s an echo of what he said the first time he tried to break it off. I feel good when I’m with you. “You make me happy, but I am obviously not doing the same for you.”

“You do make me happy,” Lucas insists. He has to sniff and wipe away some tears, though, so he adds a wry, “Most of the time.”

Eliott doesn’t smile, but it looks like he wants to. 

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you,” Eliott says. He comes around the coffee table so he can sit on it, and they can be face to face. “I don’t keep these things from you to, like, um…”

“Make me feel like shit?”

Eliott flicks his knee, and Lucas feels a bit of hope flair up in his chest.

“Smart ass,” he mutters. “I keep it from you because I don’t want to let you down or worry you. You’ve got enough going on with school, your mom, the bac… I don’t want to be another thing stressing you out.”

“I can handle a little bit of stress, Eliott.”

Eliott just raises an eyebrow. 

“Okay. This is not my finest moment, but now who’s being the smart ass?”

“Fair.”

They sit there for a second just looking at each other. 

“You need a fucking shower,” Lucas says to break the silence. 

“So do you,” he says with a bit of a smirk. 

“Yeah, no,” Lucas says, and he bats away the had Eliott attempts to rest on his knee. “We’re not doing any of that until this is resolved.”

Eliott abandons his knee and grabs his hands instead. 

“I messed up,” he says softly. “I’m sorry. For lying. For drinking. For scaring you.”

He pauses for a second. 

“I’m sorry you had to pick me up from a fucking drunk tank like I’m a fucking first year student.”

“Definitely near the bottom on the list of ways I’d like to spend my Sunday morning,” Lucas says drily. “I’m sorry, too.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Eliott says. “It’s all me and my stupid brain. I’m working on it. I promise.”

“No,” Lucas argues. “No, I should’ve asked what was going on when I felt like you weren’t being truthful. I shouldn’t just wait for it to build up to the point where you’re too afraid to be honest with me. I shouldn’t have yelled when you brought Lola here. I don’t know what it is about her, or maybe I do… I just don’t think she -”

“You don’t think she’s a good friend.”

Lucas pulls their joined hands upward until he can press a kiss on the back of Eliott’s. 

“I don’t want to, like, dictate who you can and can’t hang out with. You’re an adult. You make your own decisions, and you’re in charge of your life and who you want to be in it. But, I do want to be able to tell you when I’m concerned. It doesn’t mean you have to take my advice or that I, like, know better than you because I don’t.”

“Sometimes you do,” Eliott says with a self-deprecating laugh. 

“Maybe sometimes,” Lucas concedes. “I want to make sure you know I would feel this way about whoever I’m in a relationship with. It has nothing to do with your bipolar. If I were still with Chloe, and she was hanging out with some girl who got them both so drunk they couldn’t get home, we would be having the same conversation.”

Eliott’s nose wrinkles at the mention of some fictional version of Lucas dating Chloe, but the overall sentiment seems to resonate well. Eliott looks him in the eyes with that little smirk that still makes Lucas’ heart beat in double speed. 

“What’d I say?” Lucas asks. He tugs their joined hands playfully.

“Nothing,” Eliott says. “Well, something… You know you still surprise me.”

“I hope so. It’s only been two years. I’d hate to already be predictable when we still have seventy years to go.”

“Eighty.”

“Bah,” Lucas laughs. “Even better then.”

“I’ll take a break from Lola,” Eliott says seriously. “I hear you, and I know I need to get some space. Maybe get back to seeing my therapist.”

“Whatever you think you need to do,” Lucas says, careful not to push any decisions. “By no means am I saying you should never talk to Lola again. Don’t do that on my account. You have every right to choose your own friends.”

“I’m doing this for me,” Eliott reassures. “I thought I was helping her, you know? I thought I was giving her advice, but she said some stuff on Saturday that makes it obvious she was never really listening.”

“Like what?”

Eliott looks away, and Lucas knows this is the point where Eliott typically changes the subject. He’ll make joke, or say it doesn’t matter. Then, they’ll both brush it off, eat dinner, and go to bed. But, it’s Eliott’s turn to surprise Lucas.

“Just some shit about you, and how everyone is always waiting for us to mess up.”

“I promise I’m -”

“I know,” Eliott says. “I know.”

They’re quiet for a second, and then Eliott leans over for a quick kiss. It’s their first one in days.

“Pizza?” 

= = =

There’s a knock on the door about thirty minutes later, and Lucas offers to go get it. They’re both fresh out of the shower. So, yes, Lucas is weak. He can’t hold out when Eliott is practically in his lap, and they’ve finally broken through the barrier that had been building up between them since… well… maybe that weekend in the country with their friends.

It’s a relief to finally have it out there, and Lucas feels a little foolish for letting it go on this long. There’s a lesson here for both of them — in honesty, in communication… but there’s also a lesson in remembering the commitment they’ve made to each other. Somewhere along the way, they’d forgotten they’ve all but promised their lives to each other. That means taking the good and the bad. It means apologizing after slamming doors. It means the end goal for both of them is getting through hardship together. 

It means Lucas can take Eliott at his word, he can trust they will be okay, and he can take a shower with his boyfriend when he wants.

Lucas’ dressed, and Eliott is still in a towel. So, it falls on Lucas to answer the door. He tries to school his face because he doesn’t want to answer the door grinning like a lunatic, but it’s hard to suppress. He’s happier than he’s been in weeks. 

He opens the door, and the smile drops instantly. 

It’s not the pizza. It’s Lola.

“I, um, wanted to apologize,” she says. Lucas not sure if he could roll his eyes any harder. “To both of you.”

He goes to close the door.

“Lucas, wait!”

He stops. 

“Can I please talk to Eliott?”

“Hm,” Lucas pretends to think for a second. “No.”

“Please. You don’t understand. I need -”

“Lola,” Lucas interrupts. He wants to be clear. “I really don’t care what you need. Eliott is my priority, and he doesn’t want to see you.”

“You can’t know that,” Lola says. “You don’t know that. You’re just mad because you can’t understand him like I do. He’ll want to see me.”

“No, he won’t.”

Lucas can see her getting emotional, and he doesn’t want to be mean — especially to Daphne’s little sister. He also doesn’t want to let this girl into their home.

“Please just tell him I’m here. Let him decide.”

“Listen, Lola,” Lucas sighs. “Maybe I’m wrong about you — I hope that I am, really.”

Lola just stares. 

“I might be wrong about you,” he says again. “But I know you’re wrong about me.”

“What do you…” she trails off as she realizes what’s happened here. “He told you what I said.”

“Ouis,” Lucas nods. “I don’t owe you any explanations, and I shouldn’t have to justify my relationship to you. You’ve known Eliott for two weeks, I’ve loved him for two years. I don’t sit around waiting on him to fail, and I don’t feel better about myself when he does. It actually kind of feels like shit for the both of us. So will you please just go, and let us deal with it?”

“I made a mistake,” Lola says, after a long beat of silence. “I’m not perfect, but I’m trying -”

“I’m not expecting you to be perfect,” Lucas cuts in. He’s annoyed with how his eyes are beginning to sting with tears. “But for you to say that about me… for you to lie to Eliott like that… all to manipulate him into hanging out with you… Who’s the one whose trying to use Eliott here?”

Lola is quiet, and Lucas isn’t sure what to say now. His best bet is to just shut the door, but he’s thwarted again.

“Lucas? Where’s the pizza? I’m starving!”

Lola looks up from her shoes and meets Lucas’ eyes in surprise. He knows why. Eliott doesn’t sound down, or depressed, or even sad. He sounds… normal. Happy, even. Lucas doesn’t have many options, but he’s tempted to just shut the door and tell Eliott someone had the wrong apartment number. Then he remembers lecturing Eliott about honesty like half an hour ago. Maybe it’s best to take his own advice.

“It’s not the pizza,” he calls back, keeping his eyes on their visitor. “It’s Lola.”

It takes a few seconds, but Eliott wanders over. Lucas feels his hand rest on his shoulder. He glances back at him, thankful he’s put on some sweatpants a t-shirt. 

“Could you get out plates and stuff?” Eliott asks him, as if they ever do something other than eat pizza straight from the box. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Lucas nods. He thinks leaving Eliott to have a private conversation with Lola would’ve sent him into a tailspin this time last week. Today, he’s completely unbothered. He rubs Eliott’s hair affectionately, and goes to the couch. He picks up his phone from where it’s been disregarded on the coffee table. There’s a string of texts in the group chat he hasn’t read. He busies himself with replying, casually slipping in his plans for the evening to let the boys know things with Eliott are fine now. 

He taps out of the group and clicks on his thread with Daphne. 

_Lucas: Lola is here, just in case she hasn’t checked in._

_Daphne: Merci. She said she was going out for a bit, but she’s been gone for hours. Not answering any texts._

_Lucas: She won’t be here long… Eliott needs some space…_

_Daphne: I understand…_

_Lucas: Let me know if you need anything, Daph._

_Lucas watches as Daphne types and erases a few times before he finally gets a message._

_Daphne: I know Eliott needs some time away from Lola, but do you think he would be willing to talk to me about everything? I need advice on how to help her, and he’s the only person who seems to get through to her._

_Lucas: I’m sure he will. I’ll tell him to call you later?_

_Daphne: Merci._

He hears Eliott come back in, and he can smell the pizza he’s brought with him. Lucas’ stomach growls in response. It’s the first time he’s been truly hungry in days. He leaps off the couch. 

“I didn’t get plates out,” he confesses. 

“Bah,” Eliott waves him off as he sets the pizza on the coffee table. “I was just giving you an out. We’re more paper towel people, right?”

“My thoughts exactly.”

They settle onto the couch, legs pressed against each other. Eliott puts the TV on some home improvement show, and they both stare at it mindlessly. It’s nice to be back to a comfortable silence. Lucas is proud of himself for not asking about the conversation with Lola. He’s even more proud that he’s not itching to know. He can guess how it went, and that’s enough if Eliott doesn’t want to share.

“Daphne was wondering if you would call her to talk about Lola,” Lucas says after a bite of pizza. “She’s needs some advice on how to help her.”

“Okay,” Eliott nods. “Yeah. That’s a good idea, I think.”

“Good.”

Lucas grimaces at a particularly gnarly bathroom. It’s hideous, and there’s no way the couple will be renovating it with their budget.

“Are you really not going to ask about my talk with Lola?”

“Nope,” Lucas says, eyes steadfast on the TV. 

“You really don’t want to know?” 

“I don’t need to know,” Lucas says. “That’s between you and her.”

They both cut their eyes toward each other, and they slowly start to smile. Then, they start to laugh. Then, they’re downright giggling. 

“Okay, okay,” Lucas admits. “I’m dying to know, but I’m trying to practice what I preach. If you want to keep it to yourself, that’s fine. I trust you.”

“The growth you’ve exhibited over the best, uh, two hours is remarkable,” Eliott says wryly. For a split second, Lucas goes on the defensive. Then, like a blink, he realizes Eliott is joking. He’s making a joke, and it makes Lucas smile — a broad, genuine grin. It’s a sign they’re headed back towards normal, where they can tease each other without fear of offense.

“Yeah, okay,” Lucas laughs, and he shoves Eliott’s shoulder playfully. “What do you want me to do? Beg?” He adopts his most earnest expression to look at Eliott, big eyes and all. 

Eliott’s teeth scrape his bottom lip, and appraises Lucas from top to bottom. Lucas’ heart is pounding, but it a good familiar way.

“No,” he says faintly. “I’ll just tell you.”

“Really?”

“Really. I told her I’m always available to help her when she needs me, but we can’t hang out right now. I need some time to work on myself.”

“How did she take it?”

“Eh,” Eliott says with a so-so gesture. “I think she’s upset, but I think she knows it’s the best thing for me.”

“That’s good,” Lucas says encouragingly. He falls over to rest his head in Eliott’s lap. He looks up at him and scratches the side of his nose with a careful finger. 

“Stop,” Eliott laughs quietly, and pulls Lucas’ finger away. 

“I like your face,” Lucas says. 

“I like you.”

Lucas closes his eyes, feeling sleepy for the first time since _that_ night. He feels Eliott rake a hand through his hair. The light scratch at his scalp is enough to make him groan. 

“She told me to apologize to you,” Eliott says. 

“You’ve done that already,” Lucas says, eyes still closed.

“Not for me… for her.”

“Huh.”

“Said to tell you you’re right.”

“I usually am.”

“And that you’re really smart.”

“Ouias.”

“And so handsome.”

Lucas eyes snap open. Eliott is grinning down at him.

“You’re shitting me.”

“I’m shitting you.”

Lucas feels warm all over.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Can we go to bed?”

“I dunno,” Eliott drags. “I’ve been in bed for days. Maybe we could go for a run, or to the grocery store, or we could go do some spray painting down at the -“

Lucas heaves himself up from the couch and starts walking toward the bedroom.

“No, that’s great. You go do all of that. I’m going to bed.”

He barely makes it another step before he hears footsteps, and he’s heaved over Eliott’s shoulder. 

“Bed actually sounds good.”

“Even though you’ve been in it for days?” Lucas jokes. 

“You’ll be in it this time,” Eliott says. “Completely different experience.”

Eliott flops them both down onto the bed, and settles himself as the big spoon.

Lucas is asleep in seconds.


End file.
